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Honestly Rach - July 6, 2020

Hey guys! This week I’m jumping back into the Q&A format for #honestlyrach. I had a lot of thoughts on the below, so this week’s blog is completely dedicated to this one submission. As always, keep your questions coming, I love connecting with you all in this way. Submit here and maybe I’ll answer your question in next week’s post!


Loved your recent IG post giving a bio of yourself, offering a little more insight into who you are and the work you do! I know you mentioned that after a failed 5 year relationship and what seemed to be a lull in your career, you decided to go on The Bachelor and you began that chapter of your life. As someone whose last relationship was 7 years long, for the past couple of years I've been working on myself and my faith, truly trying to figure out who I am. When in your journey of singleness did you know you were ready to dive into another relationship? How did that 5 year relationship affect your next relationship and ultimately your marriage with Bryan? Love you guys!


Dear Deserving of Love:


You know I never really talk about my five year relationship. Part of that is out of respect for my ex and that relationship and the other part is because I did not really think it was anyone’s business. But I should talk about it. I grew up in that relationship. That relationship taught me so much about myself, what I want in a partner, what I can handle in a relationship, and what type of relationship I wanted.


I gave everything to that relationship because I thought it was going to last forever, even though I knew it was not healthy for me. But I ultimately lost myself in that relationship. I worked more on that relationship rather than working on myself to be better for that relationship. I had to let it go to embark on a journey to find myself again.


I started out by going to therapy. I had never been to therapy and needed to speak to an unbiased party about things that happened in the relationship, mistakes that were made, and ways to grow from it. During therapy, I learned that there was a lot of work I needed to do on myself. So I buckled down and started. To answer your question, I knew that I was ready to dive into another relationship when I decided to let go of the past relationship and stopped running away from my problems. Therapy did not allow me to escape my feelings. It forced me to face them and it provided a form of release and a revelation of how to cope with the loss of relationship and as a result the loss of myself. I lost myself trying to be everything to that person who in the end did not want to reciprocate that same feeling to me. I was broken when that relationship ended and therapy helped me rediscover myself and put the pieces back together. I re-invested in myself, realized my worth, refused to settle, and demanded what I deserved…and that is when I knew I was ready for the next relationship. But being ready did not mean that I was seeking or in search of a relationship. It meant that I was ready for it when that opportunity presented itself.


I am thankful for the lessons of my past because it prepared me for my relationship with Bryan. When I met Bryan, I was ready for a man like him. I firmly believe that you attract what you are open and ready to accept. Failure is one stop on the path to success. I needed to fail in that relationship to know what I wanted out of a man and a marriage. It helped me gain so much more because I did not allow it to defeat me. I used that experience to learn, to grow, and become the woman that I am today. To have the opportunity to find yourself, to know yourself, and to understand yourself is a gift. That gift was given to me the day that relationship failed. In that moment it felt like the end, but it truly was the start of something new and beautiful. I would have never been ready for Bryan without that “failure”.


It sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to do to prepare yourself for the person that is deserving of you and your love. :)


~Honestly, Rach




5 Comments


D.
D.
Jul 07, 2020

"That gift was given to me the day that relationship failed.” You said it all! You cannot love somebody if you don’t know how to love yourself. And most of all, you teach people how to treat you!

Thank you Rachel!

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Peggy Cachere
Peggy Cachere
Jul 07, 2020

This definitely spoke to me as someone who is trying too hard with little to no reciprocation. Not yet ready to completely let go but working on it. Thanks for the vulnerability and honesty,

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Huh, your piece about getting getting lost in a relationship is so relatable, thanks for sharing

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Well put, as they say you first have to free yourself from the shackles - from the story in your head, that monster in your head before you can find happiness and contentment again.

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Wow sometimes it’s hard for individuals to self reflect and put in the work to become a better you. Mainly because of the fear of the unknown or not knowing the steps to take. I’m learning about the importance of not loosing yourself in a relationship and loving myself enough to understand my value and self worth. My grandmother always told me that she would rather be single and happy then to be in a unhappy or unhealthy relationship because nothing was worth her peace. That was a valuable lesson for me that I learned the hard way. Thanks for allowing us into your journey to a better you and to love.

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